Hesistant steps in the dark did not describe Jan. Those who strove, who sought, who found, who would not yeild... that was Jan, or as she'd like to believe. The truth was she tried. The truth was she fought. The truth was she had realized long ago that no one was perfect, not in this world, not anywhere. So Jan put on herself the only expectation that could co-exist: that she be the best she could be. And that was good enough for her. Not that she wouldn't attempt to strive, and seek, and find, and not yeild. But there wasn't always a win-win stuation. The map to right was never as clear cut as they made it seem. She knew that well.

It was a far cry from Lynden, Washington, her home more than a thousand miles away in New York, and she herself most likely farther. She was farther now. In Milan to be exact, leaving in a day. She was going back to her apartment. Home however was farther than that. Sometimes in Lynden. Sometimes someplace else. Sometimes with someone else. But never her apartment.

Because home was where the heart stayed, cliche as it may have been. Home was not just where you stowed your belongings, but where your scent permeated, and pictures of your loved ones hung on the walls because you wished they were here, in your home.

It wasn't like that at her apartment. It was cold and empty foremost. Not that it wasn't inviting. When she'd picked it out, she'd liked it... a lot. But she acknowledged it wasn't home, nor anything close to it. Most of her things were still stored in boxes locked in the closet. She was there so infrequently that she hadn't had time to unpack them. Now, even when she had time, she could never bring herself to do it, only open up the boxes and look inside, remembering just what Lynden had been to her.

Well, Lynden still was. Lynden was almost everything... a mother... a father... She lowered her head in shame. Not at her second generation upbringing, but at how little it had taught her. How little she'd been willing to learn. Her Thai roots stood behind her, a medal on her chest and a brand between her eyes, more visible to her own soul than anyone else's eyes. Jan had spent her childhood yearning to be someone else: a whiter, blonder, bluer-eyed version of herself. She'd grown to resent the differences and cherish the norm. In the small town of Lynden, the differences could not be greater. Jan remembered being angry, being ashamed, being someone else.

And it was the epitome of ironic. All this time she'd wanted to be someone else, she'd forgotten how to be herself. How to be Jan Anwar, first daughter of Grace and Edward Anwar, whose real names she'd never learned to pronounce properly because she was too busy defying them. She was sorry. She'd try to make amends for tall, gangly, angry Jan, who didn't seem to fit in anywhere. She hadn’t wanted to. How sad. And how easy it was to blame everyone else. 'Well she looked at me funny'. 'He laughed at me'. It was true. Kids could be so cruel, no matter their age. People could be so cruel. Yes, it was true. And it was no excuse.

Jan recognized it now as her own weakness. Her own yearning to be them that had let them take control of her.

She shook her head. She'd like to believe she'd changed. Lynden was light years away now. She didn't think she ever go back. Maybe for a visit though. But not permanently. Never permanently. Old Jan lingered in Lynden. New Jan… was in the process of finding herself, finding that there was no realistic ideal. And there was always always 'what if'. It wasn't worth it.

It hadn't been easy. She wished it had, but then she also wondered if anything really was. With a lot of help, she'd started to accept herself. People should know; she hadn't always been as self-assured. She hadn't always been as happy as she was now. She didn't want to accredit modeling, a cutthroat business in its own right and unfair to so many. But it had made her beautiful when she had made herself ugly. Modeling though, would not keep her beautiful. She realized that. That was up to Jan: soft, vivacious, slowly recovering.

A weary smile on her face, she lifted the solid cream object with a spiral cord attached to its end and held it up to her ear. Her cell phone battery was still recharging. Besides, the rates here were not horribly bad. She'd promised she'd call later. She laughed. She would have called later even if he hadn't made her promise. But it was good to know he wanted to hear her voice. She dialed a number she almost knew by heart.

It was ringing. And ringing. And ringing.

"Hello?"

"Buon giorno. Or shall I say buona notta?"

He groaned. "Jan, you've got a terrible Italian accent."

She giggled at that, wrinkled her nose, and felt warm inside. He knew her voice. "So JC, what was so important that you made me promise to wake you up in the middle of the night?"

"What, I'm not important enough?" teased JC.

She laughed, "Oh you caught me."

He sniffed. "Jan, I'm hurt," he voiced in mock pain. "I…I always thought…"

She laughed even louder. "Oh, you big baby. Stop trying to make me feel bad. You forget. You forget you are the one that asked me to call in the morning. Besides, I enjoy interrupting you."

He chuckled. "So that's how it's gonna be."

"Yup," she confirmed, a smile on her face. "That's how it's gonna be. Got a problem with that?"

He paused for a minute. "Hmm… if it's you… Not one bit."

She could see the curve of his lips if she closed her eyes to the bright morning light.

"How'd the runway work go?" he asked her.

She snorted. "Oh the catwalk is just as wonderful it has ever been. No really, it went well. I think they liked the collection overall although some of the clothes… were they even clothes?"

He laughed.

Oh, she hoped he knew fashion crimes well. He committed them quite frequently.

"So you had a good day?"

"I'd say so," Jan replied.

"Then I'm glad."

She pouted though he couldn't see her. "Well, it wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worst either."

"Oh really?" he asked. "Then what can I do to make it one of the best?"

"Oh, you've already succeeded. The only thing that could make it better was if you were actually here."

She could feel him frown. "I'm sorry Jan, even though I may want that, it's not possible in my realm…"

She hushed him. "Big words, JC. It's all right, I know you can't. It's all right to wish though, isn't it?"

"Of course."

"Then that is what I shall do." She tried to keep her voice light, but it wasn't. She wished…

"Hey, Jan, are you coming to Skye's birthday?"

"Oh," She was a little confused. "I wasn't aware that event was coming up. Or that I was even invited."

"Oh, of course, silly. On both accounts. Any friend of Skye's is invited."

"Let me remind you that I do not know Skye that well," she pointed out.

He was quick to reply. "Then you can come as my friend. What do you say?"

She smiled. "Can you tell how delectable I think that idea is? Anyway, what's the date of this shindig?"

"Oh please tell me you can make it…"

"The date please?" she persisted. She got up from the edge of her hotel bed and walked over to her suitcase. She was very much one to live out of a suitcase. She pulled open the flap and rummaged through her clothes, picking up finally a brown leather bound book.

"Ugh… it's November 24th. Can you make that?"

She flipped through the gold-tipped pages. "Hmm… November 24th?" At three blank dates, ending on the 26th, she smiled. So he'd lucked out… She smiled an even brighter smile, her mind tinkering away.

And then she groaned for him to hear.

"What?" JC asked, a certain desperation and anxiety in his voice. "No good?"

"JC, these last minute invitations just aren't any good. I mean, I have work and while I'd like nothing more than to spend time with you, this last minute business isn't working." All the while she quickened to a chastising tone, the very same smile played out on her face.

She heard the apology in his voice. "I'm sorry, Jan. I know finding time is hard. I just… wanted to spend some time with you too and time is limited for both of us. You know you can fly to tour any time… if you want to. I mean… I want you to, but of course, that's entirely up to you. You know Johnny gave us the night off and I just wanted to see if you were free to come up…"

Jan almost burst out laughing as he stumbled over his words, but contained herself in time. "Yes I know," she told him sternly. "But you gave me that voice. Like you really wanted me to be there. JC, you should know that I hate to disappoint you…"

"I know," he interrupted.

"Hey!" Jan exclaimed. "Will you let me finish? You know, I hate to disappoint you, especially when you sound like that. So…"

"Jan, I know, just let me apologize please. I feel bad for putting you on the spot there. I hate to disappoint you too and I don't want you to be disappointed in me. You have to know you wouldn't disappoint me just because you couldn't make it…"

Ok, that was enough.

"Great," Jan interrupted, not wanting to hear more of his pathetic babbling even though it made her smile. "So how does the night of November 22nd sound? I'd leave the night of the 25th. That's three days…"

"I know how impractical it was of me to expect you to be able… wait what? The night of the 22nd? Three days? Huh, did I miss something?"

And she couldn't help but finally crack up as she'd been wanting to do for the last three minutes. Keeping a straight voice was almost as hard as keeping a straight face in person. "Apparently."

"Wait, I'm confused, I thought you couldn't make it."

"No, she corrected, still laughing, her sides almost splitting. "You assumed I couldn't make it. I never said I couldn't make it."

"But what about your lecture? Last minute?"

"Dork," she shrieked. "I was warning you about how we should plan future meetings… preferably in the future, not a week away."

Oh." That was all he said.

"Yes, oh," she smiled.

"Wait, three days here? With you? Yes! Woo hoo!"

She couldn't help but laugh even harder. "Save it for the pop songs, popstar. So, King Kong, how have you been? You never let me ask before, talking 'bout me."

She heard a snort. "Oh you know you enjoyed it."

"Joshua Chasez," she reprimanded, placing her hands on her hips in the suddenly not so lonely hotel room, the phone cradled on her shoulder. "That is entirely beside the point. So now answer me this, how have you been?"

"Do I…"

"Uh, uh, uh. No ifs, ands, or buts mister." She heard a slight breath. "And I mean it!"

She heard him laughing. "Ok. How about… missing you even though it's been only one day."

She blushed. She would have been worried, she would have emphasized the 'only a day' issue, had he not said it. But she was glad that he had. "Good."

"I know this sounds too fast Jan, but I have this urgent need… to just be near you."

She crooked her eyebrow and spoke honestly. "You too, huh?" So you've been ok? Nothing out of the ordinary? For you that is." She smiled brightly.

"Not really… oh…"

"What?" she asked when he didn't finish his sentence.

… She thought he'd hung up for the pause had been so long. "She called."

She fought to understand. Did he consider her a mind reader now? "Ok, who called?" she asked him.

"Emily," he supplied quickly.

"Emily? Wait, are you saying… Emily Monroe called you?"

"That's the one. She called this morning."

"She has your number? Well, obviously she does. She called you. I didn't know she had your number." Jan was confused.

"Funny you should say that. I didn't either."

Now she was even more confused. "Wait, so then how'd she get your number?"

"Umm, she said something about Luciana giving it to her..."

"Luciana? Why would she give your number to Emily?"

"Now that's a good question. But I don't like it."

"Wait, wait," she followed. "You don't like that Luciana is giving out your number?"

"No. That Emily has it. That girl gives me the creeps."

She closed her eyes.

"Thank God you said it first."

-§-

He hung up the phone and turned away from the world.

"Let me make it up to you, Jan."

He hoped she understood.

-§-

"...It's almost a perfect solution. A perfect alternative if there is one, Luciana..."

"...You know how you said I could fly her up? Well, I have the perfect plan..."

"Oh, you'll love it. I just wanted you to know..."

The mirror didn't tell much of anything. The face Justin stared at was his own: sweaty, nervous, trying to play it cool. It was to be the overture to a conversation, prelude to a plan. Well, he just called it... practice.

-§-

Her heart was pounding. Her smile was blinding. Her hair flew behind her, a dark curtain made of thin thin strands. She could hardly wait, her breath coming too fast for her to breathe normally. Pound, pound, pound, pound... Her heart, the floor, her heart, the floor, her heart, the floor, her pounding footsteps below her... Breathe.

Knock, knock, knock.

It was her own fist against the white, painted door, knocking eagerly, trying to hold it in, trying to let it out. She knew she shouldn't be so eager, so giddy, so impatient. She was too much of everything. It wasn't becoming Martha had told her many many times before when she tried not to mope, or grabbed the phone from her hands once when Lucy had called. But she was sorry. She couldn't help it. She'd been waiting for so long.

"Yes?" came the voice from inside.

She tried to stand still. "It's Skye, Lucy," she confirmed.

No sooner than she'd said that did the door open. Lucy, in pink satin jammies, stood before her. "Skye!" she exclaimed and quickly claimed a bear hug from Skye. Quickly, Skye returned the hug.

Oh , she'd been waiting for this for quite some time and finally... Finally. She could not believe she'd ever doubted Lucy's love for her. Slow guilt washed over her like torture. She hugged Lucy's slender frame even tighter, tighter than she thought she ever could. Oh, she was sorry for all her flaws. So sorry. It was a silent apology to her sister first for her doubts, then for her imapatience and finally her misguided will. Yet all Lucy did was let go and smile. So gracious.

"Come on," she beckoned Skye, walking to her bed and sitting amongst the pillow.

But Skye froze instead, looking at Lucy with wide eyes, afraid and unsure of what to do next. She'd betrayed Lucy... Oh, she'd been so bad. She didn't want to tell Lucy.

"Skye?" Lucy's silky voice once again beckoned her. "Over here, silly." She patted a spot on the bed right beside her..

Maybe she didn't have to. At least not now. Later... A better time. Yes later. Everything was later. Skye's face lit up as she walked over to the bed and gingerly sat down. She had made up her mind.

"I missed you. Did you miss me?" Luciana still smiled.

"Yea. I did. A lot."

Lucy just laughed and fell back onto her pillows, shutting her eyes for just a moment. "I've had such a long week, Skye. I'm so unbelievably tired. What about yours?"

"Well, my week was hard, but the only thing that made the week hard were the calculus problems Mr. Buchanan gave me. I was excited about you coming home yesterday." Skye smiled.

"Well, I was excited about seeing you today. You look well. Healthy. How did the doctor's check-ups go last week?"

Skye smiled deftly. "Oh, they were a breeze. The doctor said I was in good health, though my blood pressure was a little low. He said it was nothing to worry about though. Probably normal for me."

"Sounds good. So what else have you been doing?"

"Not too much. I haven't had many visitors... though Emily came by once."

"Emily?"

"Oh, yes," Skye smiled. "She's really nice. She took me out."

"Did she?"

"I've seen Riley a few times too. Though he doesn't really stay ya know. He drops in and says hi."

Skye saw her sister's brow raise. "I must talk to him about that. He should take you out sight-seeing or something. How long have you been in Toronto? Three months now, right? And you haven't seen much of anything." Lucy shook her head.

"Well, I've seen what you took me to see. Remember the SkyDome?" Memories were so lovely.

"That's only a tiny bit of Toronto. I'll talk to Riley about taking you out."

Skye looked at her sister. "Oh, well, that's ok Lucy. Justin promised to take me out one of these days. He is just so busy. But he calls me."

Lucy chuckled. "The infamous daily calls. Is he still calling you?"

"Yes, he is," she confirmed.

"Do you like Justin, Skye?"

"I know he's a nice guy, or you wouldn't be dating him, right?" It was all very logical to Skye. Lucy picked the best. And Justin was the best.

"Yes, of course. But just because I'm dating him shouldn't matter. What do you think?"

Skye looked away for a second. What she really thought... How often had she been asked that? How truthfully had she answered? And who really knew? What she really thought... or felt... or loved. Justin, who was Justin to her? Who wanted the truth? The stuff Skye would try to give for Lucy deserved that from her.

"Justin... I... I think Justin cares about me. Like you care about me Lucy. He's been a very good friend to me." How small her voice sounded. How she'd looked down to avoid her sister's eyes. Maybe then Lucy wouldn't see her uncertainty.

"Well, I'm very happy that Justin has taken you under his wing. He's a wonderful man, Skye. Trust him. I do."

She smiled. "He talks about you a lot. Tells me little snippets of your day. I wish I had time to call you so often, but I'm usually very tired when I get back from work. And even when I get back I don't get to rest. My agent makes sure to call me up and give me a headache about this appearance and that, and this advertisement and that, and rumors..."

Lucy's voice was mounting with tension. "Ugh. Please tell me you understand Skye. It's just so hard and very competitive, especially nowadays when I'm breaking in, becoming known. Are you really mad at me that I haven't been home more? You know I'm sorry. I didn't bring you here just to leave you alone, but I wanted you closer to me. So I didn't have to worry. You're in good hands here."

Her sister seemed to be falling apart piece by delicate piece in her cushiony queen bed. Skye's weight heaved with even more guilt laid down brick by brick as her sister fell apart. Why did she have to be such a horrible person? Selfish her had been been sitting in a beautiful clean home with a maid while Lucy has dragged herself through each day. And now here she was and Lucy was the one that was sorry. Lucy was sorry when all the blame should be on Skye. She was sorry! Didn't Lucy's heart hear her plea?

"I'm not mad at all Lucy! I understand. I do. You have things to do, obligations to fulfill. Really, I do." Nothing made sense. But this did. She moved to hug her sister and she fell into her arms, the battle half won, faith restored. She closed her eyes to Lucy. Tonight they'd not be the mirrors to her soul.

-§-

"Baby, you ok?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Oh, you just left so late last night."

"I'm fine. I slept late."

"What about your sister?"

"What about her?"

She held the phone to her ear, her blond hair pinned. It was a shade or two from that of corn silk. It was amazing how she kept her hair in the good condition it was in. After all the teasing and touching done to her hair. But it was strong and it was thick and she was very very good to it. Luciana wasn't clueless as to what her gold card: her eyes, her hair, her prickly perfect personality. Her soul mattered little. She was this age's golden child and she wasn't about to let that go. Not now, when she had so much to gain. She had paid her dues. She would not be taken advantage of again.

"I suppose she was ecstatic to see you?"

"Did you expect her to be anything less, Riley?"

He snickered. "Is that a trick question?"

"No."

"Then of course not. Did you get bombarded with questions?"

"Some. But then I told her I was tired."

He snickered again. "I wonder why."

Her face did not change its inexpression. "No Riley. You're wrong." Her voice was even. Cold.

"But..."

"But nothing. She's my sister. I wanted some time to myself, but I do not dread my sister. She's innocent and she's harmless. A few questions are not going to do anything."

He tried to correct himself. "I know, Luciana, but I was thinking about what a hassle it was for you."

Her lips curled. "You needn't worry about me on this, Riley. She's missed me well."

"Oh, I know she has, but it's your day off, I was just..."

"There are no days off, Riley. Now, I told you, don't worry about me. I'm fine." She brought her free hand up and clenched her palms to see perfectly manicured nails upon her thin fingers painted a deep deep red. Reddish burgundy. Or maybe blood. She wasn't sorry for anything she'd done.

Once... these nails had belonged to an innocent, the downtrodden and oppressed, unwilling to help themselves, preferring to save their souls and live an unremembered death. As far as Luciana was concerned, they had begun dying the day they were born. But there was her and there was them. She would not go unremembered, to live a life in a squalor of nameless faces and ignorance. She'd wanted to know, the innocent craving for knowledge, the only thing that would change her forever. And she'd paid, quite dearly. They all had, Justin, JC, Joey, Lance, Chris... and more. They'd all lost their innocence the day they'd grown up to realize that the world around them wasn't a forgiving place and pace of life was step or be stepped on. Luciana had tired of being stepped on. She stepped... and signed her name in blood.

"Now Riley," she spoke. "What did you say...?"

Beep.. beep...

"Wait, hold on. There's someone on the other line."

She clicked over.

Click.

-§-

"...well,...I...she...leaves...show her...take her...concert...birthday..."

"Justin?"

He was mumbling. His palms were sweaty. Sitting at the edge of an unmade bed, an almost clean plate of grits and half-eaten eggs sat in front of him. Pulp still clung to the sides of his finished glass of orange juice. Normally, Justin would have thought of ordering up more room service, but today his appetite had all but vanished. He didn't understand why he was so nervous. She had said that she wanted him to show Skye a good time, hadn't she?

"Luciana?"

"Hi, Justin. Yes it's me. This is an unexpected call, but don't worry. I like them from you. How are you?"

Her voice was light. Jolly. He'd half forgotten to day was her day off. So few did those come around. Normal was work. "I'm fine." He was lying. "How's your day off?"

"Well-deserved. I slept late today then Skye came to visit me. God, I've missed her. It really is home now, you know Justin? I have my family here with me."

He smiled at her sweet words. He hadn't had a relative or a friend on tour with him since... long enough. He felt he worked harder than ever now. Now that they were attempting to come into their own, writing their own songs, fighting battles to prove themselves. It didn't matter how futile efforts were.

"I'm jealous." It was true. He was. But she deserved it. Every bit.

"I'd tell you not to be, but I'd be jealous of me too. I wish you were here though."

He smiled. "I wish I was too. But it was nice last night, wasn't it?"

"Justin... the rush of joy I got... they picked me. I was lucky to even be nominated because you know all those girls were just as good as me..."

"Luciana!"

"What?" she asked, sounding flustered.

"You deserved that award and you should know it. I've never known anyone as hardworking and dedicated as you. I'm proud of you."

"Justin..."

"Yea?" he asked.

"Thanks."

He laughed, the laughter echoing in the giant room that looked eerily familiar to every other one he'd ever been in. "I meant every word of it. You deserved it. Now, I have a favor to ask you."

It had come out of his mouth a leak. It was now or never. No more of the stalling Justin was famous for.

"Really? What is it?" she asked.

How would she react? He took a deep breath and he remembered how nervous he was all over again. "Well, I sort of... overheard you on the phone one day, talking about how you couldn't make it to Skye's birthday..."

"Justin..."

"Now, now. Before you say anything, I want you to know that I understand. It's not your fault an no one blames you. But Skye is going to be with the housekeeper on her birthday. Now, I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but should she be out having fun with people... closer to her age."

"Justin, really..."

He didn't bother to pause. "So I suggest an aversion." There.

"Justin... Don't you mean diversion?"

"Yea. That word... But Luciana, listen. I want to help. Though I do not, in any sense, consider myself a replacement for you, hope you know that. I just want to show her a good time. I mean, even you said it was a good idea, that I should take her to one of our concerts. It'd be a surprise party. We'd fly her under the cloak of seeing our concert, which she will do, and then after the concert, we'll throw her a surprise party. I have it all planned out. I really think she'll like it." He was excited.

"Whoa, whoa, Justin."

He stopped. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself...

"Slow down," Luciana continued. "You're talking too fast. I got some of it. So... you said you want to throw her a party for her birthday? Surprise party, I mean."

"Yes..." He was unsure now.

"Just where are you planning to hold this gala?"

He chuckled nervously, the small black phone held to his ear caught every murmur of a sound. "It's not a gala. I want the party to be small and private so we won't be hounded by the press. We'd be in... Dublin, on her birthday. Tour's almost over."

"And this would on her birthday? During the week?"

"Oh come on Luciana. You said her tutor could travel. It wouldn't be any trouble for either of us. She could just have a little fun on her big day. You only turn eighteen once," he reminded her. She wasn't so far from eighteen herself.

"I know that Justin... it's just that... God, I'm missing it. What kind of schmuck am I?"

He smiled brightly. "One that both she and I love." And even though he'd said the words, he blushed. He was almost one hundred percent sure she had too. "C'mon. Let me throw her this party. I want her to try to have a good time. Ya know she's going to miss you through the entire thing. I can only do so much."

"I dunno..."

"Please? It's important to me. Besides, if you don't say yes, all this planning I did will go to waste. And I planned. Me, Justin. Is that not a miracle in itself?" It was.

"Justin..."

"How can you say no, Luciana? It'll mean so much to both of us."

"Justin."

"Please?" He was beginning to sound desperate.

"Justin.."

"But..."

"Justin, shut up!"

His eyes widened. So rarely did those words come out of his girlfriend's mouth except in jest. Oh, he was in trouble...

"You need to let me finish sometime in this millenium. As I was about to say... when do you need her packed?"

"Luciana, please, I know... Wait, was that what I think it was?" He was a mite confused.

She laughed at him. "Gee, you're awfully slow today."

"Really?" he asked, excited. He was a little boy all over again.

"Really."

"Really?"

She laughed at him. "Yes, really. I like the sound of the idea. This way, she won't be alone. I was having trouble thinking of what I was to do myself. This is wonderful."

The smile on his face could not be dimmed. "It's a perfect solution then. I'm really glad you like the idea."

"I do. Just one thing. Why didn't you tell me before that you'd overheard me?"

Justin furrowed his brow and shifted slightly. "That's a good question. I think I just wanted to be sure that I could do something before I asked to do something, ya know? I only got the go ahead a week ago."

And then there was silence. Justin could hear the static on the line. It was a nerve-wracking silence. He wasn't sure if Luciana was still there.

"Justin?"

He wondered if she'd heard him exhale in relief at her mention of his name.

"Luciana?"

"Justin, you have to promise me something."

"Anything." He was sure.

"Take good care of her and show her the best time you possible can."

The corners of his lips lifted upwards. "Done. I said anything, didn't I?"

"And I'll say thank you."

-§-

The phone was warm. Her grip was tight. And she was seething. She clicked off the phone, throwing it down in a fit of anger.

Ring!

Her head whirled around to the fallen phone, ringing on the carpet of her wide, sunny room. Sunny she did not feel. She glared at it and steadied herself before picking it up.

"Hello?" she answered calmly.

"Luciana?"

She knew his voice. She'd heard it less than an hour ago. Riley.

"Riley, I'll have to call you back."

"But, bab..."

"Don't baby me, Riley. I said I'd call you back. I need to think."

She didn't wait for an answer, just clicked the phone of before her next breath.

There was desperation in her eyes and anger in her voice. She didn't take to it well. It wasn't befitting of her stature, calm, cool... But she couldn't help it. Her plans had been led astray by a stupid, little gesture, a gesture that would have meant nothing a month ago, and meant so much today. But Justin could be too kind where she was not. She knew this. Justin was almost as transparent as Emily. And she could look into his baby blues and see his sadness, happiness, his corruption, and the innocence he tried to maintain all at once, a fragile effort that could be broken when caught in the moment and often was. Justin was an insolent mix, so golden in his own right to those who would look for fault and find nothing but circumstance.

But Luciana... Luciana should have foreseen this. She'd seen them becoming close. She'd approved of the responsibility it took off her. She had other things to worry about, the incoming movie offers, the press conferences to think about, the covers offered to her, etc. These things were important for her to consider. So she had approved because all involved were happy. She still did and still would, but only after analysis of how it reflected upon her. He'd put her on the spot. No mind was frighteningly fast, only frighteningly logical, its self-science running the gears. However, she'd had no time to think this through first, as she was accustomed. But she'd done her best under the circumstances. Only now was her 'best' questioned and by the only one it should be.

Now, after all that she'd planned, she couldn't back out of the commitments she made on Skye's birthday. It was impossible for her to attend when she had a runway show the very next day and two magazine covers lined up. She had to look her best and at best she'd only arrive in Dublin late at night. That would run her ragged. Nobody liked to see the dark circles Luciana was prone to if she did not get enough sleep, Luciana least. She would not ruin one of her tickets to success that way when it was so vital. No she could not make it, even if she'd wanted to.

But had yes been the right answered? Should she have allowed Justin to throw Skye that party? Should she allow Skye to be whisked away? It wasn't the details she was afraid of. It was the implications. If she'd said no, she'd seem like a stern sister who didn't want her baby sister to enjoy even her most special day. She'd kept Skye cooped up and how could one not notice? But at the same time, her seemingly public absense from her sister's birthday did not bode well for her image. To the press, what was more important thn your family? What should be more important? One had to wonder.

Nevertheless, Luciana had been relieved when Justin had stipulated that there would be no press there. No press meant no pictures in the Enquirer. No one to rat out her abscense. Of course, any one of the boys could be stupid and let pictures leak to the press, but did they not value their privacy as much as she valued good press? It was a chance Luciana would have to take. She'd said yes and the pros far outweighed the cons.

She'd think of an alibi.

She hoped she didn't need it.

But better safe than sorry.

Always.

-§-

She sat crossed legged on the smooth wood floor, cold in the darkness that immersed it, but she didn't care. She needed to think and here, with no interruption, no light to pull her eyes away, was the best place she had. Her fiery red hair was no longer fiery, now dull and almost brown, piled high on her head in a messy up do. She sat with her head in her hands, as she had been for quite awhile, meditating to the Gods of the dark.

Was it right? Ws it wrong? Was she making any progress? Somethings didn't wait, couldn't wait. She'd need to strike while the iron was still hot. While the relationship was still new. There was always room for change, room in the vulnerability of newness. She'd try. Yes, she'd try.

Her head was clear. Sometimes the silence was a little too loud, so silent, letting in the other sounds. But she concentrated. She'd called them all this morning, save Jan who she wasn't in the mood to call. Jan... Her eyes narrowed at a mirage in front of her eyes. She saw her at the gala, red dress against fair skin and the way JC'd looked infatuated. Well it would end! That she vowed. It was a challenge and she never turned down a challenge. She'd better watch her back. Because Emily do all that was in her power to win, to beat her, to return the favor. Oh yes she would... Emily smiled. It was a simple set of rules Emily lived by.

It had gone fairly well she thought, though she'd had to hang up prematurely. Her head had felt on the verge of throbbing. The last thing she needed was a headache. She downed two aspirin just in case. It had helped a little. It reminded her of Justin. She didn't know why. Perhaps it reminded her of Skye as well. They went hand in hand to her now: Justin and Skye. Though the strategies she used were blurred, she knew what had to be done in order for her to get her way. She was sparing no one whose love she could take for granted. She laughed. Love. Love, love, love, love. The one thing she'd always wanted. The one thing she'd finally given up. Love had done nothing for her but provide heartache that no medicine could cure.

If she only believed... Jan was out. Luciana was out. Skye was in. So was she. All the players, JC and Justin as well, would be hers to play, marionettes on strings. And yes she wanted it, she could feel it in her soul. She was assured.

She believed in something.

-§-

"Sorry."

Her breathe no longer felt constricted and her muscles had relaxed. She was draped over the far chair in her room, ivory white spread. She'd gathered her wits around her. She'd done it rather painlessly and dialed his number on the phone she'd thrown down. Ten minutes had passed.

"Baby?" he had answered, the worried tone in his voice making her suddenly want to smile. So she had, and professed her apology as quickly as the smile had faded from her face. It was beautiful and unlined. And it would stay that way. These fits of rage... she had to stop them.

So he'd replied, "Are you ok, baby?"

"I am now. Forgive me for earlier. I didn't mean to snap at you." She had an image to upkeep. A lackey to keep.

"Are you sure?" Oh, he sounded anxious.

"Quite. It was just a little nothing. I shouldn't have let it get to me so much."

"What was wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Justin just sprung a little proposition on me."

"Proposition?" She heard the fear in his voice. She smiled. She could guess at what he was thinking.

"He took me by surprise, though I really should have expected it. I said yes in the end. I was just angry at myself because it was so unexpected. I wasn't sure I had made the right decision."

"Wait, Luciana... decision about what? What did you say yes to?" She could hear his brath catching in his throat. She wondered if his heart quickened. Poor boy. How she liked to play with him, just because she could.

He'd had enough.

"Oh, Justin just wanted to know if he could throw a surprise party for Skye. Caught me off-guard. I wasn't really sure what to do, if I'd made the right decision."

"Well, what's wrong with that? Then you'd really have Skye and Justin off your hands that day. Sounds like a great idea to me." He sounded significantly happier.

"Riley, think about it. Think how it would reflect on me. Skye is turning eighteen, one of her most imporrtant birthdays and I won't be there. How do you think that's going to look?"

"Well, who's going to see?"

"What if word of the party leaks out, Riley? What then? The tabloids and reporters alike would have a field day with this. Do you want that Riley? I don't know how my reputation will fare. Is that what sounds good to you?"

"Oh shit, baby, you know that's not what I meant. I wasn't even thinking about it that way. You know I wouldn't want anything to harm you."

Her face remained stony, but her voice became forgiving. "I know, but you have to start thinking about these things. My future..."

"I know, baby. Your future is mine too. Our future. I must consider the consequences. I'm sorry for not thinking of that."

She sighed for his benefit. "I know, Riley. Don't apologize. It's done and gone and I forgave you already."

Pause.

"So what are you going to do about the party leaking out to the press?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Well, it hasn't leaked out yet. Justin assured me that he wants the party private, and if I know Justin well enough, he'll go to far lengths to ensure that that is the case. He values his privacy and the privacy of others."

"Still..."

"I know, still there is a chance it might get out because of Justin's other group members, but they all value their privacy as well. And I will think of an alibi. Something they can't pin me with. So it'll be alright. I've decided it was a good idea after all. I've kept my sister cooped up here for far too long. It'll be good for her to get out. By the way, why have you not taken Skye out yet?"

"I..."

-§-

He paced in front of the bright window of his high-rise apartment, running his hands through his straight blond hair. Riley craved the sun, but even more those late dark twilight nights with Luciana. Riley was no slouch. Ideas had been running through his head even before Luciana had hung up. And he'd rejoice in this one. They were all going to be there somewhere in Europe, for 'N Sync still on their tour, he was almost one hundred percent sure. Luciana was shooting in New York, with a runway show and two covers. He'd be close to her. Justin would be far away. He thought to call Emily.

-§-

This was her chance. He'd called to tell her. To see this as her chance to take Justin away from Luciana... his love. What a fool he was to love her when Emily wasn't sure Luciana loved anybody. Luciana would go down. But it wouldn't be Emily that would take Justin... oh no. If she had it her way, someone else would do that for her. All it took was a few pushes and shoves. That Emily could handle well.

She smiled. She'd have to call him again. She needed directions and country. But she'd be there, if the last breath in her body were to go out. She'd be there to have a little fun...

She squealed.

-§-

"Ok, now you need to be calm about it."

"You're telling me that. I am the king of calm!"

"Oh my God, Joey, would you like me to laugh now or later?" Justin was on the verge of laughing anyway. No matter what Joey wanted.

"What? What are you saying?"

"You're a ball of emotions. Why do you think you suck at poker?"

"Hey!"

"Joey, you still owe me ten bucks. You were short. I don't know why you don't just fold. You know you're going to lose."

"Alright Mr. Perfect then. Why don't you call her up? You seem to be great at everything."

"Oh you think so do you? I'm not perfect but I'm glad you think I am."

Joey let up a heavy sigh that made Justin want to burst out laughing again. "There is no talking to you when you're on this... ego trip! Which you seem to be on quite often!"

"Take a chill pill mah brotha. The happiness high is worth all that and a bag of chips."

"Happiness? Is that what call it nowadays? Justin, if I could prove you were on something, it'd be so much easier than thinking this was the natural you. How do you get along with people?"

"Oh, you're just jealous because they like my hair better."

"Justin, they're relieved! You mowed the fro. What prepubescent girl wouldn't jump for joy?"

"Don't be dissin' the hair man. 'Ah have impeccable taste."

"'Ah have impeccable taste' Wow, Justin, did you have to look that one up yesterday? If you keep telling yourself that enough I hear you'll start to believe it."

Justin saw Joey smile at him and mockingly bat his eyelashes.

"HahaHAH. You're still just jealous..."

Joey turned down the hall. "As I said Justin... you tell yourself that enough, you'll start to believe it..."

Justin stuck out his tongue at the retreating figure and shook his head at him, crossing his eyes. Then he smiled at the expression Joey did not see. Justin thought it was hilarious.

"You love me!" Justin shouted at the disappearing figure.

"Keep telling yourself that..."

Justin turned around laughing. Ok, so he'd have to call her on his own. Strangely, he felt less nervous than he'd felt when talking to his own girlfriend. Perhaps it was a result of the comfort he believed he and Skye had grown into after countless phone calls. She had begun as a fresh-faced young girl. Skye was still that, but the fresh-faced young girl now had a personality. An endless love for her sister. A tendency towards the bright lights she saw from the city at night, and those heavenly ones above. She'd always wanted to be as close as she could get to the sky, her namesake, and God. Such simple things she wanted, craved. It was hard to remember a time when he'd been the same and not taken so much for granted. Well Skye would not be taken for granted. Not by him.

-§-

The phone was ringing in the foyer where sunlight spilled through the window. Skye liked sunny, bright places. The phone ringing was not an unusual occurence. But the very fact that it kept ringing and Martha was not in sight was. Skye creased her brows. Maybe she should... "'Skye, would you please get that? Martha and I are busy trying to find something!"

It was Lucy that had yelled to Skye, her voice loud and clear, Lucy's wish a command to Skye.

Skye hesitated no longer. "Hello?" she asked as she placed the maroon reciever to her ear.

"Yo."

Right away she could tell just who it was. She knew his voice just that well.

"Justin? Good afternoon!"

"Morning, Princess. Early morning over here. Early early morning, but we're all awake. We have an early radio show to do." She heard him groan.

"Did you want to speak to Lucy? Cause I can get her for you..." Skye glanced down the corrider, at the end where Lucy's room was.

"Nope, Princess. You."

"Me? Ok. What's up Justin?" She could have been more surprised. Lucy was home. But she wasn't surprised. Strangely, she was quite comfortable with it. He often called to speak to her. Why should it now be any different? She'd long gotten over her discomfort with him. With her bare feet on the cool black and white tile, she walked to the couch, sitting down and pulling her legs up under her. Her long brown hair was stringy from the shower she'd just taken, her face fresh.

"Well... I had a question.. well, a request..." her started.

"Ok...?"

"Damn. Hold on, Princess. I got someone on the other line..."

-§-

It had been beeping on his end of the phone. The small room echoed silence. Though they were all up, they were far from noisy. They were far from alive.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Justin." Her voice was pleasant enough, but somehow, he couldn't stomach it.

His eyes widened, then narrowed a moment later. "Are you trying to make this a habit?"

"What are you talking about, Justin?"

He couldn't believe her. "Calling me everyday, Emily."

"Justin! Now why would you think that?"

He really couldn't believe her. "Did it skip your mind that you called me yesterday?"

Emily just giggled. "Of course not silly! But this call is about a different matter."

"Oh?" he asked.

"I heard a little tidbit of news, Justin."

"And what would that be, Emily?" He was bored. She spoke in such circles.

"Only that you're holding a surprise for our dear Skye Covington."

He didn't think he'd heard her right. "Wait. What?!"

"Well aren't you?"

He wasn't sure what to say. "That's not the point. Where did you hear that from?"

"Oh that doesn't matter Justin. All that matters is I know. So aren't you going to invite me? After all, I am Skye's friend and I think I deserve to be there. It's her eighteenth birthday after all."

He narrowed his eyes. "Well what if I don't think so?"

"Justin Timberlake! Why this uneeded hostility towards me? Didn't your mother teach you any better? I'd be ashamed of myself."

"Oh my G..."

"You shouldn't take God's name in vain either."

He was frustrated. "I shouldn't do a lot of things, Emily! Now tell me why I should invite you."

"Oh, so there is a party," she confirmed.

"Shit," he swore. He wasn't supposed to tell her that.

"Potty mouth. I already gave you a reason."

"Look, Emily, I have Skye on the other line..."

"You can rattle off the invite information in less then a minute Justin. Stop arguing. You're only taking up needless time. Look, I already have a pen and paper handy."

Just then the door to the small private room open. In walked a man with a beard and bottle platinum hair... Joey. Joey's eyes met Justin's in a blank stare that filled with recognition in half a second. "Oh, hey Justin. I didn't know anyone was in here."

"Well? I'm waiting Justin."

Too many voices in his ears.

Justin turned away from Joey with the wave of a hand, concentrating on Emily. "Emily, I don't think..."

"Don't tell me no Justin. You know Skye would want me there. I know you don't like me. And that's ok. But stop being so damned selfish. Think about Skye. This is for her. It's her special day and she deserves to have her friends there. I am her friend, just like you."

"Emily, that's different..." He still protested despite her argument, sensible as it was or wasn't.

"Justin, how can you continue to argue? Skye is waiting for you on the other line and I, as her friend, desperately want to help her celebrate her eighteenth birthday. Why are you being so selfish?"

His mind was not in an organized state. Too many things... Emily badgering him, plans for the party, Luciana's approval... Skye waiting. And the last sealed his decision.

He should have sighed.

"Fine! November 24th, Dublin Ireland, street..."

-§-

"Sorry," his voice drawled out.

"No, it's ok," she assured him. She was just glad he'd come back.

"Well, back to my request... what do you think about coming to one of our concerts?"

"A concert?" she asked.

"Yup. I want you to come see us perform." His voice seemed happy.

"Are you coming to Toronto?" She was a little confused, unsure of his request.

Oh he laughed. "No Princess, I want you to fly out and see us. In Dublin."

"Fly out? To Dublin?" The prospect was a bit scary to her. She'd flown one time in her life and even then it hadn't been most exciting experience. So this, of course, wasn't the most exciting prospect.

Again he laughed. "Yes. In an airplane. To Ireland."

"I know that Justin. It's just..." She thought...

"Just what?" he asked her.

"It's just that I've been on an airplane... once."

"Are you scared or something?" She could hear concern in his voice.

"No.. yes.. no... well that's not all of it..."

"Then what?"

"Justin, it's just that I'm so... inexperienced. I don't know what to do! Last time Ashley had to tell me to do everything... I was so embarrassed." She thought back to the airport. It'd been the first time she'd set foot in one and had it ever seemed intimidating. So many people just swarming around her like bees. She hadn't even taken one step in any direction and already she felt lost. But she'd made it finally, asking a lady behind the counter. The lady had smiled and pointed wordlessly to a screen of arrivals, departures, and gates. She'd been a little confused, but she'd watched the girl beside her do it and had figured it out herself. Except for the checking of her baggage... Of course when she'd arrived in Toronto, it was a different story. It was so much bigger, and busier, and... She'd almost wanted to cry until Justin came along.

"Wait. Who's Ashley?"

"The flight attendant on my flight. Justin... I'm just afraid that I'll be so nervous I won't know what to do! Then I'll get lost and I'll..."

"Whoa whoa! Skye. Are you saying you don't want to come?"

"No! I do! I want to see you perform on stage! I'm just... afraid... I..."

"Skye, stop, just.. stop then. As long as you want to come, just leave the rest up to me. I'll make it happen."

She wasn't sure about that... "Justin, I don't want you to go out of your way for me."

"You worry too much, Princess. Do you think I'd do this if I didn't want to?"

"Uhhh..."

"Well? Do you?" he asked.

"No..."

"Then that should answer your question! Dublin, here comes Skye Covington!"

Her name rolled off his tongue.

His tone was no less than exuberant.

And already she was a ball of excitement, fear and uncertainty, all in one young girl.

-§-

He walked out of the room, his footsteps heavy below him, leaving behind one blond teenager and his prized cellphone. He simply couldn't take it anymore. The gap between points was yet too far to bridge, but he knew there was a way across. He just knew. He sighed harshly, hands immediately going to his pockets just as they did when he was in deep thought. He stopped for a minute and ran a quick hand through his now platinum hair and then just as quickly tucking it back into his pocket. He'd heard! Why? Why him? Yet he wouldn't have it any other way. Joey was frustrated.

-§-